What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 04:44
But, we were locked up after school.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
US Food and Drug Administration Launches AI Platform to 'Modernize' Agency - Decrypt
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Samsung may soon open One UI 8 beta program for Galaxy S22 - SamMobile
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Can you provide some examples of music with a free form structure?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Deion Sanders: Pre-draft attacks on Shedeur and Shilo "hurt" - NBC Sports
My life is so biszare .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Comes on , in middle age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
SpaceX launches Sirius XM radio satellite to orbit, lands rocket on ship at sea (photos) - Space
She was in good health!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why is there so much hate against black people?
Who then, do I blame.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Musk-Trump rupture poses a serious threat to NASA and Pentagon programs - The Washington Post
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is soul school!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She loved him until the end.
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She married twice! .
Especially a lifetime of it.
All the time i was locked up.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I have no regrets .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So whats the point in blame.
So, i spoilt her more .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She wouldn,t have been !
Ive learnt so much.
What did i know ?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot live in the past .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im still living with it.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He knew the spot.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was very sick at this time too.
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My family never makes their pension either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We were not on the streets..
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i lived it daily.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was seconnd youngest,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I write beautiful poetry .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was scared of men, in general
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We all went to grammer schools
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)